Knowing My Heart

When I was little, I felt so lost and confused. I loved to draw and color and one time, when I went to stay with my aunt and uncle, they praised me for what a good artist I was. I cherish that memory and know in that moment I recognized something in myself of value. Expression through visual art was effortless, fun, absorbing, wonderful. And I got approval for it.

Art has never left me and has sometimes saved me. It took a long time for me to know maybe it was something I should or could choose to share and make my life with. My heart is in it.

The two driving forces in my mind have been money and approval. The need to have enough money to survive and do something I will get approval for along with a predetermined attitude of defeat and failure on both counts, left me in a stagnant pond of settling for crumbs and thinking it's all I deserve. Not only that, a little approval was all it took to get me to stop moving forward. Like an addict, I would go from approval fix to approval fix feeling like a guilty failure the whole time. Knowing something was 'wrong' and having no idea how to feel clean and whole.

Slowly I've gotten to know and like myself! I've had and continue to have amazing help along the way (for the opportunity of a life-changing experience, check out soltura.net). I've learned living my heart out loud is the path for me. And now I'm finally pushing beyond the boundaries of my stagnant little pond to risk my heart, my art, myself - not for money, not for your approval and the temporary feeling of satisfaction it provides... simply to live and share my life with you, share the best of me with whatever part of the world I can touch. Yikes!