Surrender

"...Surrender Dorothy..." Yup. Surrender is a concept I struggle with - it can mean so many things depending on which way the wind is blowing through those darn branches.

I seem to be hitting all the 'heavies' this week: Faith; Flexibility; Surrender. I was feeling all postive about surrender and just as I began typing, the first thing that entered my mind was 'surrender Dorothy' and I realized how in my gut surrender is nothing but weakness. The flow of life teaches me surrender through the breaking of my stubborness over and over. It would be nice to feel some kind of cumulative benefit instead of that slap-in-the-face, 'oh YEAH.... it's that surrender lesson again!'

And isn't it funny how it's appropriate sometimes and other times NO. This constant switching of circumstances is difficult for a person who enjoys the idea of at least partial control over their lives (accompanied by a disconcerting lack of self-trust). Appropriate. There's another concept I'm frequently at odds with. I tend to act first and find about about 'appropriate' later, through repetitive and often humiliating consequences. Sigh. What can I say...

It's a good day to paint, I think. Maybe just kind of work with my mouth shut and see what comes of it. I'm actually commissioned for a 6' x 4' canvas of (what else) a tree! I've been sweating over it and trying to 'make a connection' with it and now, well... now it's time to surrender and let it just come out of my heart and hands. Another adventure.