Loosening My Grip

My mind likes to play tricks on me. Sometimes I buy in, but lately I've chosen to grit my teeth and step forward whether I like it or not. And the reward is?..... Integration; another piece of me gets to enjoy the light.

To choose over mind feels so dangerous and is, in fact, simple. To get in the car and go somewhere new feels hard and is, in fact, simple. To look into the eyes of yet another someone new and say the truth while allowing the emotions to connect and be expressed feels impossible and happened to me today. I chose to step back from the complications of my duplicitous mind and speak from my heart. I chose to believe in the truth of me without second-guessing or expecting the worst outcome; to share what's real without thoughts of what I will win or lose or endanger.

I drove home feeling calm and quiet, experiencing love for myself and knowing that my heart has grown so large and free that those boundaries my mind was so furiously convincing me not to step over became first obscured and then invisible. Every time this cycle repeats and I choose to step through those clamoring fears into the unknown, my heart burns more brightly and freely. The more I loosen my grip on the old stories and say 'this is how it is now, right now - these are my hopes and dreams and goals!', the more those dreams become my reality. All my life I've tried to be smart enough not to feel so painfully wrong in my skin. Now I choose to embrace the simplicity of taking one step at a time, embraced by people who really want me to succeed and care about me. I roared like a lion yesterday! Right in the face of those clamoring fears, and just stepped into the unknown. Today it feels like anything is possible.