Flexibility

This morning I woke up with a bunch of things 'to do', felt myself grasping for control over each one and realized the lesson for me today is not balance, but flexibility. My strength is returning after the long, dark month of February and I want to rush in and LIVE. Take Charge and Accomplish. DO things. Fast and Completely. Make Progress. NOW.

I choose to say fortunately I'm still weak enough that overwhelm came quickly and I centered myself for contemplating this compulsion to rush when I chanted this morning. I'm being gentle with myself today. I'm going to trust my intentions and prayers to lead me to the next best step to take (be it laundry or website; painting or eating - or a little of all).

It seems like the best time for me to connect with the heart of my life and live from there is after I've suffered myself into an almost complete breakdown of emotion and mind. Yet look how quickly I'm trying to jump back into that hamster wheel - 'run, run, run - while you've got the motivation - do it now before it all comes tumbling down again!!'. So I think, 'BALANCE... That's what I need!'. And my heart whispers, 'hey there, sweetheart, did you ever think balance might just be control's way of hiding out and getting you to run in place til you drop?' There's a distinction here that I need to really get.

So I'm taking a few deep breaths and going slow. I'm going to remember flexibility today; not just feel the wind in my branches, let it MOVE my branches. Try not to cling to any idea as the solution. Maybe I make it all more complicated than it has to be. This variety of actions to take accompanied by the feeling it has to happen now or it never will is just another way to say I don't trust myself. So instead I'm going to bend and flow, and breathe.