Commitment

I used to be really confused about what commitment was and so became phobic about it. Once I learned that for me it is to know and honor my heart and keep choosing to live that, commitment became a lot less scary. Even though that sounds like a small job, it requires everything every day.

When I forget and grow numb again, my life becomes chaotic. To remember, I look to the details of my living to give me the meaning I need to go on. The sum of the details shows me what I am in fact committed to and make choices and decisions from there. Sometimes the fear of failure or the sudden certainty I'm accomplishing nothing and hurting other lives in the process comes over me and it's hard to find my way home again.

In the simplicity of being me, I realize that's the whole job and the path becomes visible once more. Today when I complained about feeling like I'm swimming against the tide, my son said, "do what you have to do, then go with the flow." Out of these words of wisdom I realized I'm kind of lagging on the "do what you have to do" part. Big sigh. It's my responsibilitly to make my life happen, and when things don't go as I think they should, it's time to get down to the very details, become present and know that when I trust my heart life is as it should be.

I'm committed to that.