In My Opinion...

This morning during my meditation I became aware of all my (endless) opinions and how they slow me down and try to blind me. I tend to make hasty opinions that are almost always changed over the course of time. If I could keep them to myself it would be a vast improvement.

This is a favorite defense mechanism that happens when I feel threatened or unsafe - or am taking a risk of some kind. It's just as frequent and stupid on the 'plus' side of it; either way it's a judgement call based on snap-opinion. My ego plays me for a fool with my emotions and it wreaks havoc with self-trust (which does not mean stubbornly insisting I'm right... jeez).

It's one of those things that seems like an impossible, frustrating puzzle whose final piece is always missing. I get very '3' about it (as in years old!). Seriously though, OPINIONS... It's a patience issue; and it's a faith issue. My habit is to think there's something wrong when I'm experiencing circumstances I find not to my liking. There's nothing wrong. This is life! I'm 43, almost 44 and still coming to terms with this.

Recently I was expressing my opinion about some 'injustice' and stopped short, wondering WHY? I have no idea what this other person is going through - but I fear for myself, so I spew about it. For what? Support? Sympathy? I realize each person's journey is just as precious as mine is to me... just as complex, as worthy of care and honor and room to grow as anyone's. So I have to ask myself - 'is my LOVE bigger than my opinion - my likes, dislikes and preferences?' And just asking that question breaks the ice around my heart. With that question, love pours out like molten light and my opinions are suddenly tiny dust motes illuminated by a brilliant sun. Once again the soft, cool breeze cups my face and clears my eyes so I can feel with clarity and remember compassion.