The Path I Fear To Tread

You know that saying about being your own worst enemy? Well, I'm sick of that being such an obvious force of operation in my life. For every step forward, up comes a defensive block out of the darkness to make me scratch my head in wonder again. Who needs external obstacles when my own internal ones work so well...

When opportunity opens, I hem, haw, go numb, become preoccupied with other things to do, isolate, let fear of what 'could' happen overrun even the smallest acceptance of the good fortune I am working so hard to create for myself and my family. It's so easy to sweep those opportunities under the rug or out the door. Sometimes it's returning a phone call - that's all it would take to bring the opportunity of selling a painting, having a new experience of friendship, going somewhere for enjoyment (imagine that!).

I know that I must take action - open the door - do what I say - claim what is being offered! How can I possibly hope to live the life I am creating when by one means or another I reject the rewards of that work?! Every time the cycle of accepting the outcome (whatever it may be) of working hard comes around, I backpeddle. For a long time there was outright rejection and no consciousness of it. Now I'm seeing it and ready to step beyond frustration and confusion to whatever is next. Perhaps that sounds simple. Maybe it even is simple...

All I know is that I feel fear, fear, fear at the prospect of moving out of my comfort zone of scarcity and struggle into the light of...... And there you have it. The unknown. All I have to do is let go, then take the simple actions and steps that will show me the next landscape of my creation. Today I dedicate myself to this path (again).