Okay, It Matters...

It matters that we are here together.

I'm walking around in a different world and can't quite seem to feel 'here'. Yesterday, as I stood in line at the store, I struggled to be present and somehow could not connect with my environment. Someone spoke to me and I never heard what they said, even though I asked him to repeat himself. Twice.

I'm being attacked by butterflies. I know it's spring and the season and all, and I love them! It's just so odd how they surround me every time I walk from my door to my car. I notice them everywhere.

My head feels fuzzy, and my body numb. It seems like I'm wandering around hypnotized, trying to wake myself with every effort possible. When will this pass? Yesterday I contemplated the numbness and started to cry for no reason I could discern. But there was nothing attached to the emotion - just tears. And those orange butterflies I catch out of the corner of my eye - or the black ones with the yellow-tipped wings - are they angels? Friends? Reminders to be gentle and patient? Or just a sign of a spring season I can't seem to feel against my skin.

Maybe I am asleep and dreaming. All I know is I will choose life and love again and again, even though the fact of my human failures (or so they seem to me) occur and reoccur and it seems I will never get it right. What if every dream is fulfilled and every need met, every soul awake in their connection and every heart welcomed freely and all there is to feel is nothing.

Love. Life. Love. Live...